Imposter Syndrome
Yes, I love this movie and you probably don’t but… keep going, it’ll (probably) be worth it in the end… (and the image will make sense)
I’ve always been a firm believer in fate. I’m not implying that we have no choices or that we’re not responsible for them but, more so that things happen for a reason and we get to where we need to be.
Through fate I was lucky to get a job at Samsung mobile at the beginning of my professional career. I had a placement there during a six month break and in my downtime of fixing PCs and upgrading their operating systems I would code. The software leader saw this and asked me what I wanted to do longer term, which was, indeed to code. He gave me the opportunity of a lifetime to remain at Samsung so long as I still got my degree, which I did. I am and always will be very grateful for that opportunity.
At the time of joining I had been doing development both at university and personally. I enjoyed developing and was always hungry to code. I was comfortable developing on my own in Visual Basic. I was however now part of the team and had a proper task in their codebase which was written in ‘C’, a language I wasn’t as familiar with. I was given the task to write a phonebook.
Now, when I get a task I can logically break it down and it happens without thinking. A phonebook to me at its simplest form is a database with some business logic for performing operations and an interface that allows some other software to read/write/delete/edit a single contact and as appropriate retrieve or delete a list of contacts. Sure, there’s more you can add when searching etc… but, that’s pretty much it. A user interface layer would separately utilise this API to call and display the results as appropriate.
Whilst this is easy for me now, back then it was overwhelming. I was daunted by this task and didn’t have a clue what to do or where to start. Now I could happily learn any language needed and write this. Then however, I was confused, lost and pretty worried. I finally plucked up the courage to ask for help, to say I’m lost, I don’t know… (FYI — Stack Overflow was not a thing back then!). My manager at the time rather than firing me assigned someone for me to work closely with. Even if he didn’t realise it, that person had the opportunity to help guide or kill my career. Thankfully for me he was kind, willing to support and to help me see what I needed to do and more importantly ‘why’. I remember this one point where suddenly everything ‘clicked’ and that was the point that I knew how to approach a task.
That memory has always stuck with me and I try to use it help and support others as I once was. We all start somewhere, we all need to make time to learn and we will all find ourselves facing different challenges. We all have different abilities and experiences and we learn in different ways. It’s easy to beat ourselves up at times and think we’re not good enough, that we are not capable but, if you are willing to work hard, curious and willing to ask and take help, you will always learn what you need. Some people are naturally gifted but, no matter what you need to have a strong work ethic and that Bear Grylls spirit to ‘Never Give Up’.
Over my time in industry I have had the opportunity to work with many talented people. Sure, I’ve come across people with huge egos whose talents were eclipsed by their rudeness but, I can honestly say that some of the most talented people I’ve worked with have been kind, generous and always willing to help and develop others. Even more surprising to me is that those same people often possess ‘imposter syndrome’.
Imposter Syndrome is a feeling that you’re not good at what you do, not capable, are somehow getting by through dumb luck and at some point someone is going to discover that you are incapable and just no good. This is not a medical definition but, I believe it encapsulates the feelings.
I am one of those people. I may not always show or feel it but I often question my own abilities as do a surprising number of the best people I’ve worked with. I am grateful however to have people that know me who will challenge those negative thoughts, who make it clear to me what I can do and who support me unwaveringly. They too surprisingly often suffer from Imposter Syndrome!
I’m always surprised to hear some of these people talking negatively about their own abilities, telling me that they’re not good enough when I know that they are excellent at what they do, have helped me or others solve many problems and supported many people along the way. I know there isn’t a task they can’t do and that they are capable of learning and accomplishing anything… they just can’t see that.
If you are one of those people, remember the above and think of what you’ve already accomplished. You’ve already gotten over many brick walls (click it.. after you’ve read this), most likely you have helped develop and inspire many other people. You will continue to face more brick walls but, it’s your attitude, curiosity and desire to improve that will make you a success and your need for perfection that makes you feel you aren’t good enough… but, know that you are. You wouldn’t be where you are today if you were not.
Nick and Billy (yes, you’d forgotten about the image…) had to refocus when life threw them a curve ball. They never gave up (like that ‘little girl from a steel town’) and pushed each other forward. If Nick and Billy were able to get internships at Google then you too can get past those barriers that block you!
As Ted says… ‘Believe’…
